[Journal entry]

31 May 1773

I fear I shall not sleep to night. Though traveling and many tasks should have wearied me, each foreign noise troubles me. The rain has a gentler hand in the northern country... a lusher palette and softer canvas upon which to paint. The droplets here sound so coarse upon the stones.

Three times I have arisen from my bed to investigate an unfamiliar sound, and three times I have felt more foolish. Once, the passing shadow of a wind-whipped branch nearly saw me call out for one of the servants. I have reproached myself for being so childish, and yet I cannot help but feel perhaps too young for the task set before me.

I know that the servants gossip; not even one and twenty, with a station they feel is far beyond my capabilities. I have become aware of the stifled giggles of the maids when I misstep or try to be firm with a clumsy footman. But these things mustn't weigh upon me, for I have made a promise, and I intend to prove to them, and to myself, that I will make a good mistress of this house, and... perhaps someday... a worthwhile and useful wife.

The rain is now starting to ease. There is a change of atmosphere in the patch of trees beyond the walled garden, turning black to dappled golden hues, and I know the dawn cannot be far away. I pray for even an hour's rest, to fortify myself for the day's work ahead.

I have a weekend party arriving in only three weeks, and I must be at my best to assure that everything is in order for their arrival!

To morrow, I shall visit the church and pray for a stronger will and for a foundation of wisdom upon which to build my future.