Chateau de Versailles, France,

9th of August, 1774.

Ma chere soeur Jacqueline,

As I write to you this letter, I am already preparing all my luggage and myself to leave Versailles most likely for the last time. You may be surprised even after all the things that happened last month, I know.

It all started two weeks ago. I was sorting my daily-arrived letters when I suddenly saw a letter with the Tancarville seal on it or, to be more exact, my husband the Marquis'. I knew that something different was about this letter than the usual ones he would send me almost everyday. There was one obvious hint to be suspicious about - a rose with a pale pink silk ribbon tied to it which was attached to the letter. I hurriedly opened the envelope with my letter opener and quickly read the content of the letter. . . My mind was blank for a moment and the letter even fell down from my hand. But after picking up the letter I read again, most thoroughly this time. He was saying that my mother-in-law, Comtesse de Fraisac et Montreuil, was complaining why I was not at the marquis' side and fulfilling the duty of a doting loving wife. And so he (or to be precise, his mother) wished that I would leave the court life behind and live in my "real home" - in Montsoreau chateau far in Normandie - immediately.

*dried tear drops on the paper slightly staining the ink letters*

Cherie, how lamented I was! I could not imagine leaving my beloved Versailles and my beloved friends behind just to stay forever with my husband in cold Normandy. Of course, I do not hate the Marquis in the least, I am just afraid to be alone there surrounded and looked upon by my in-laws and unable to see my friends, my family and you! I have been anxious, frustrated and scared since then and even now I still am. I just cannot make myself calm. I feel like I am blinded by the veil of the society and its words and being moved around like a mere pawn on the chessboard.

I felt so lost all this time and I ironically remembered our Maman's words: "Do not fear my child. If fate throws at you pain and torture, keep it in and find ease in God as he is always with us and you can trust him. I am sure he will lead you to your salvation from whatever shall be your obstacle in the future." I did not believe truthfully her words perhaps because I was so young.

The past week I felt as if I was in a dessert, so exhausted unable to choose where to go and unable to do anything, until I realised that crying and lamenting would not result in anything. Self pity would never help. I shall tolerate for . . .

It seems I cannot write at all, Jacqueline. And I am sorry I'm leaving this chapter half-finished.

I hope you will understand me more than you do already.

Please visit me, ma soeur, as much as you can as I will miss you most dearly and as I am sure it will take a long time before I get accustomed to the people there. . . That is, if I ever will be at all. I will miss you terribly when I "return" to my "home".

Je t'embrasse.

Ta chere soeur,

Anne-Sophie.